“I don’t need anyone coming in.” If you have heard that, you are not alone. It is one of the most common things Kirsty and Kayleigh hear, and it usually comes from a real worry rather than stubbornness. Understanding the worry is the way through.
Why people say no
When families tell us a parent is reluctant, the reasons are nearly always the same three.
-
Fear of losing independence
Help can feel like the first step towards leaving home. It is the most common reason people decide not to go ahead.
-
Strangers in the house
Letting someone new into your home, and your routine, is a big ask at any age.
-
Never having had help before
Many people have looked after themselves, and others, all their lives. Accepting help can feel like admitting defeat, or simply that they are not quite ready yet.
What usually changes their mind
In Kirsty’s experience, it is how help is described that makes the difference.
-
Help that keeps them independent
The point of a visit is to keep someone living their own life at home, not to take it over.
-
An extra pair of hands
Changing the bed, the weekly shop, a lift to the surgery. Practical jobs are an easy first step, and much easier to say yes to than “care”.
-
A friendly face to chat to
For many people the conversation becomes the best part of the visit. Carers who share an interest, or simply have time to listen, make the visit something to look forward to.
-
Staying part of the community
A lift to a club, a coffee morning or a favourite café keeps someone connected. That is often what they have been quietly missing.
How to start
Start small. A couple of one-hour visits a week, built around something they want to do, is far easier to agree to than a full plan. Let them choose the day, the time and what the visit is for.
Meet the people first. Aurora introduces each person to a small team of usually three carers, so the faces become familiar.
Keep talking. Kirsty and Kayleigh are always available to talk things through and change the plan as your parent settles in. A good routine, agreed together, is what makes help feel normal.
What it looks like in practice
One couple we support in Sturminster Newton started with a few visits a week after a fall, and he wanted it to be short-term. Ten months on, a carer cooks a fresh lunch every day, and their daughters no longer ring each day to ask what they have eaten. It grew at his pace, which is why it worked.
