It rarely starts with one big event. More often it is a slow build of small things: a fridge that is emptier than it used to be, the same cardigan three visits running, a phone call where Mum sounds flat. Here are the signs Kirsty asks families to watch for, and what to do next.
Six signs to look out for
Kirsty has spent more than 25 years in nursing. These are the signs she tells families to take seriously, especially when two or three appear together.
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Loneliness, and a dip in confidence
Talking less about friends or plans, saying they are “no use” or a burden, or giving up a club they used to love. Loneliness often comes before everything else on this list.
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Not eating properly
Weight loss, loose clothes, or meals that are tea and biscuits. Ask what they had for lunch yesterday; a vague answer can say a lot.
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Clothes that are not being changed or washed
The same outfit on several visits, or stains they would once have noticed straight away.
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Housework slipping
Washing-up piling up, dust, unopened post or a bed that has not been changed. Usually it means the jobs have become tiring, not that they have stopped caring.
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Out-of-date or mouldy food in the fridge
One of the clearest signs that shopping and cooking have become hard, or that they are forgetting what is there.
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Forgetfulness
Repeating questions, missing appointments, or not remembering whether they have eaten or been out that day.
What to check on your next visit
You do not need to inspect the house. A few quiet checks while you make a cup of tea will tell you a lot:
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The fridge and cupboards
Is there fresh food, and is it in date? Are there ready meals stacking up uneaten?
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The post and the calendar
Are letters being opened? Are appointments written down and kept?
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Their week
Ask who they have seen and where they have been. If the answer is “nobody” and “nowhere”, that matters as much as anything in the house.
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How they are moving
Holding on to furniture, new bruises or a near miss on the stairs are worth a word with the GP.
What to do if you are worried
Start with a conversation, not a plan. Ask what they are finding harder and what would make the week easier. People accept help far more readily when it is about keeping their independence, not losing it.
If memory, weight loss or falls are part of the picture, book a GP appointment. Anything sudden, such as new confusion, a fall or not eating at all, needs a call to the GP or NHS 111 the same day. In an emergency, call 999.
For ongoing help, you can ask the council for a free needs assessment, or start small with a regular visit from someone who will cook a proper lunch, keep the house on track and sit down for a chat. Kirsty’s advice to almost every family: a routine helps.
Dorset Council Adult Access
Needs assessments and adult social care advice, weekdays
Somerset Council adult social care
Needs assessments and advice, Monday to Friday 8:30am to 5pm
Wiltshire Council adult social care
Information, advice and how to ask for an assessment
